I Want a Divorce or is it Holiness?

 (Image by: American Association of Christian Counselors)

When we had been married all of three years, I had experienced about all I could stand where disagreements were concerned.  We were standing in the kitchen where arguments seemed to happen, and the argument was critical to our life; (although I do not recall at the moment what that critical thing was). What I do remember is the yelling.

It felt like we were in an untenable position so my mind went to the most ridiculous conclusion, “I want a divorce!” There was a brief pause, and then my husband responded, “Well then you get the lawyer.” Hmmm, this of course brought the argument to an end as we looked at one another then walked away. In my childish ignorance, I really thought that tactic would stump him . . .

As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy” –I Peter 14-16.

I knew I did not want a divorce, I just wanted something good to happen. This argument took place over 34 years ago just shortly before we gave our lives to the Lord. And He has been calling us to Himself ever since. Nothing we can do even when we are motivated by love can compare with His dealings in our lives because of His perfect love. It is out of this love that He calls us to separate ourselves from worldly pursuits, and to recognize that our lives are hidden in Christ Jesus (Colossians 3:3).

Prayer

Father, please reveal your holiness to us as we spend time seeking You to “be holy as You are holy.” Thank you for increasing our awareness of Your holiness which is our opportunity to imitate You, the One who loved us first, and Who loves us most. Amen.

A Heart for Relationships that are Hurting

There are a lot of hurting people in marriage and other relationships.  At any given moment you, me, and or someone we know is going to experience relational pain. We pray, seek, and hope, yet the hurt either persists, or it settles down long enough to make room for more pain to surface. Pain and offense seem to abound while healing seems to be taking its own sweet time. It is complicated and simple all at the same time, because while one comes to understanding, the other is still hurting and or choosing unforgiveness; then vice versa. Truly it is only by the grace of God that we enter into relationship.

Where do we go from here?

We pray hard and we seek remaining watchful for any opportunity for reconciliation. We search our heart to see if there is any unforgiveness and unresolved hurt (and usually there is). We get clear about our part in the fissure; and we seek God’s and the other person’s forgiveness. This is the part that can take what seems like endless amounts of time, but is necessary if there is to be hope for restoration. This time can also be about seeking wise and trusted counsel to support us in this journey, because sometimes it can feel like we are the only one standing for reconciliation in our relationship.

Therefore we pray:

Lord, please bind up the wounds of our broken hearts, and mend our souls, causing us to experience oneness in You. Lord, thank You for causing us to remember our love for one another.  May each relationship “above all, clothe [themselves] with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace of Christ rule in [our hearts] . . .” Colossians 3:14 – 15a. Amen.

Still counting it All joy.

Navigating Relationships in Conflict, Perseverance, Hope and Love

Romans 12:10 exhorts us to prefer one another in love, which can be done easily when circumstances and people align and we are all getting along. But what happens when conflict arises? Does your attitude change toward the one you love? How do you handle disagreement?

Scripture is replete with examples of relationships that walked in love, trust, discord, and more. What is common in the most successful relationships is love, grace, hope, perseverance and forgiveness. When disagreement arises and feelings are hurt, we experience one of our greatest needs for understanding.

Imagine how Jacob must have felt (Genesis 29) when he in good faith worked for his uncle Laban for seven years to gain the hand of Laban’s beautiful younger daughter Rachel; and instead was given Leah the older daughter whom Jacob did not love. It could be said that Jacob for once was on the other end of someone’s deception; which of course infuriated him. But Jacob agreed to work for Laban another seven years to gain Rachel in marriage. Jacob had to get past the betrayal of his uncle if he was to gain the one he loved. He also needed to get past the fact that he was now married to Leah whom he did not love. Now that is a lot of “getting past” for one person to endure.

Maybe you are feeling like Jacob, and you have been betrayed by a loved one, now what? While Ephesians 4:26 exhorts us to not let our anger control us to the point of going to bed angry; sometimes we fail to live up to this exhortation. Begin by seeking the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Ask Him to direct you and provide you peace. Wait on Him, and then you will be able to think more clearly and calmly.

The main thing in working through conflict is not to give up hope. Keep your eye on the prize the way Jacob did; the prize of restored relationship with the one you love.

Praying is My Heartfelt Joy

Jesus, you are my treasure.

“If God is truly [my] treasure, and if [I] have faith that through Christ [I] have been united with Him, then prayer ceases to be a duty and becomes [my] joy because it is how [I] experience [my] treasure in the now”  (Personalized from Skye Jethani’s book): Reimagining the Way You Relate to God: With (2011, p. 115).

 Lord, please help us your people, to desire you as our goal and our treasure. Relationship with You is not about what You can do for us, or what we can do for you.  Relationship with You is seeking to be with You and to Listen, Worship, and be still so that we can know that you are God.