A Heart for Relationships that are Hurting

Trust in the Lord AACC

There are a lot of hurting people in marriage and other relationships.  At any given moment you, me, and or someone we know is going to experience relational pain. We pray, seek, and hope, yet the hurt either persists, or it settles down long enough to make room for more pain to surface. Pain and offense seem to abound while healing seems to be taking its own sweet time. It is complicated and simple all at the same time, because while one comes to understanding, the other is still hurting and or choosing unforgiveness; then vice versa. Truly it is only by the grace of God that we enter into relationship.

Where do we go from here?

We pray hard and we seek remaining watchful for any opportunity for reconciliation. We search our heart to see if there is any unforgiveness and unresolved hurt (and usually there is). We get clear about our part in the fissure; and we seek God’s and the other person’s forgiveness. This is the part that can take what seems like endless amounts of time, but is necessary if there is to be hope for restoration. This time can also be about seeking wise and trusted counsel to support us in this journey, because sometimes it can feel like we are the only one standing for reconciliation in our relationship.

Therefore we pray:

Lord, please bind up the wounds of our broken hearts, and mend our souls, causing us to experience oneness in You. Lord, thank You for causing us to remember our love for one another.  May each relationship “above all, clothe [themselves] with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace of Christ rule in [our hearts] . . .” Colossians 3:14 – 15a. Amen.

Still counting it All joy.


4 thoughts on “A Heart for Relationships that are Hurting

  1. I like the caution (yet necessity) and gentleness (yet determination) in the tone of your post. The content sits firmly on godly behaviour. Thank you.

    1. Thank you for your encouragement, I appreciate your feedback. Ephesians 1:11-12, is one of my motivators; It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone (MSG). I am Counting it All joy as I seek His design for glorious living.

  2. Hello

    I was wondering if there is a “time to stop” praying for restoration of a relationship, especially when it comes to only engaged people, not yet married. Me and my ex fiancé have been struggling with unforgiveness, and anger because something I did at the beginning of our relationship, I almost immediately ask for forgiveness, and I still do ask for forgiveness every time we fight, but this topic keeps coming in every discussion. We have been on and off for 2 years. I am the one who always seeks for reconciliation, and the one getting help in books, pastors, or therapist, but nothing seems to work. Last time we were together it was because I prayed so hard, and I think I gave my best to get close to his heart (for the 3rd time). But after just 3 months, my now ex fiancé says he no longer loves me, that he really tried, but he is tired, and lost his feelings for me. All this after we had plans of rasing a family, last year we got engaged, and even 2 days before he broke up with me he said he was dreaming of a family with me. I’m lost, I don’t know if I keep praying, trying or just give up… I know he still has feelings, because he wrote a letter where he says “I can’t take my mind of you”, but he also states that he wants to get over me “even if it’s tearing him apart”. I’ve never loved like this in my life, I’ve never fight for someone’s love, I just have this feeling that we are meant for each other, that he is the one I want to share my life with.
    And all I do is pray and pray, and want to trust God to restore this relationship like the last time… I might be wrong, but I just can’t give up, my heart wont let me give up, there’s something that keeps me fighting for this relationship, and I don’t know what it is.
    Please help =(

    1. Dear Flor,
      I am so sorry for what has happened regarding your relationship with your ex-fiancé. It is clear that you are both in a great deal of pain. From what you have written, it looks as if this relationship may have run its course. I say this because when there is betrayal or even perceived betrayal, without forgiveness it is impossible to move forward. The fact that you have prayed and sought the Lord, and asked forgiveness, as well as seeking counsel regarding this situation is about the best one can do until the other chooses to forgive. It takes a lot of love and work to repair a breach in relationship, but both parties have to be willing to acknowledge, forgive, and agree to work at reestablishing trust.
      It doesn’t appear that these things are in place. The best advice I can offer you is to continue to press into the Lord, and pray that your ex can forgive. Without forgiveness he cannot move forward in his life, and love would want what is best for all involved. We need to acknowledge that when both parties aren’t participating in the relationship, that there is no relationship. My hope and prayer is that you will both find forgiveness and healing, which comes through loving, earnest action. Whether or not this relationship can be or even should be restored depends on the willingness of those involved to do what is needed, along with seeking God’s will.
      I acknowledge that a fair amount of time has passed between us so I understand that your situation may have progressed beyond what is offered here. Even so, I pray wholeness for you both and I am here if you have any questions.

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